The Public Difference
by zoerachael
Summary: When Marissa starts at Newport Union, she runs into an unexpected old friend. Malex.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One-Newport Union.

If there was one thing Marissa Cooper thought She'd never do, it was attend a public school like Newport union, it was just… so… unlike Harbor.

Walking away from Ryan was just like every other time, somehow, she felt… relieved. If she was truthful to herself, it wasn't like before when they were together, she loved him, she really did, but there was something lacking in their relationship that they had before, and it wasn't even since she shot Trey, even before that, there was something… different.

Every time she kissed him, she wasn't just thinking about him, and it wasn't just Trey either, she'd admit to herself, knowing that Ryan was the brother of the guy that tried to rape her, it affected her, and every time she kissed Ryan, she thought about Trey trying to kiss her, trying to force himself on her, and it made her sick, but there was something else too, something that was… holding her back, she thought that making love to Ryan would make a difference, she thought it would quell her doubt. It didn't.

She felt like everybody was staring at her, like she was a freak. She wondered if they knew, if they read the papers and watched the television, she guessed they knew, knew that she'd taken a life, that she'd held a gun in her hands, pointed it at a man, and fired.

They knew, they had too, that's why they stared, they probably thought she was dangerous. Maybe she was, everyone else seemed to think so. Dean Hass especially, she told him that she had no remorse, that she'd do it again in a second, but would she?

She kept telling herself that she did it to save Ryan, to stop Trey from killing him, but did she really? Or did she do it for herself, to hurt the man that had tried to hurt her, to get some kind of justice for herself, maybe even to get the images of that night out of her head?

Truth was, Trey scared her. She knew that she was lucky that night, that it was pure luck that she got away. He was stronger than she was, he could have easily overpowered her, even with her struggling, and it was that, more than anything that scared her, the 'what if.'

She even kept asking herself if she had any remorse, she knew she did, despite what she told everyone. Images of the shooting clouded her mind at night, every time she closed her eyes, but she refused to let it ruin her life, she refused to let Trey ruin her life.

Despite her own thoughts and feelings, she knew she'd never come clean about any of her thoughts, not to Ryan, not even to Summer, she was going to keep it to herself, her relationship issues and her fears and worries about the shooting, she knew that none of them would ever pass through her lips, no matter who her mother and Ryan forced her to talk too.

It was weird, she was used to all eyes on her, but something about these people, this school, there was something that was unnerving her, a feeling that she'd had before, but one that she'd never been able to place.

She went straight to the office, walking through the unclean halls towards and into the cleaner, more sanitary-looking space.

"Can I help you?" asked the young brunette behind the reception desk, looking up at her impatiently.

"Ah… I'm Marissa Cooper, I'm a new student, I need my schedule," she said, looking at her shoes. She knew by the look on the woman's face that she'd heard about her, and what she'd done.

"You're Marissa Cooper?" she asked, her brow furrowed, looking at her skeptically.

"Yeah," she answered, looking briefly at the woman and then focusing once again on her shoes.

The woman looked at her for a moment longer before smirking and typing on her keyboard. The printer next to her started up a moment later and she looked up, pulling the piece of paper off the exit tray. "Here's your schedule. Classes and room numbers are all there. And…" she reached to a pile of folded blue paper beside the printer and picked one from the top, "… here's a school map, everything's marked so you should be able to find your way around. I'll just take you to your first class and introduce you to the person that will be showing you around."

Marissa just nodded, taking the map and schedule and shoving them into her bag, then following the brunette as she walked out of the office area.

"You've got Advanced Physics first up, teacher is Mr. Anderson, just some advise, don't cross him, he's a psycho path," she said, conversationally, with a slight smile, "I used to go here, and he's like a million years old, and his temper hasn't changed."

"Thanks, I'll remember that," Marissa smiled back, some of her nervous tension lifting.

She stopped walking when the woman stopped in front of a closed door and knocked softly, poking her head inside, "Mr. Anderson, can I borrow Miss Kelly for a moment?" she asked, her voice polite and soft.

"Of course. Miss Kelly?" Marissa could hear the age in his voice, it slurred slightly, she guessed her had a beard that needed trimming from the slight spitting noise he made, as if trying to get hair out of his mouth.

The door opened wider and the room and the class came into view, she could see a thin blonde half standing up and whispering something to a guy next to her, him just snickering as the blonde stood up completely, "Don't keep us waiting Miss Kelly," said the voice of Mr. Anderson, who Marissa noted, did indeed have a white beard, but was otherwise, completely bald, and the receptionist was right, he did look a million years old.

The blonde finally looked towards the door and Marissa gasped slightly at the sight of her and gaped life a fish out of water. The blonde stopped walking towards the door, frozen, staring at Marissa in what looked like complete shock.

Marissa was the first to find her voice, croaking slightly, her throat dry, "Alex?"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two-

Alex sat in class like she always did, whispering to Daniel, her best friend, as Mr. Anderson sat at his desk, rambling on about the physical properties and phenomena of something or other. She was amazed that she was placed into any advanced classes at the start of the year, but Physics? That one truly surprised her.

"So, how was your weekend?" Daniel asked, grinning, "You went home right?"

Alex glared at him. It annoyed her that he found her parental situation so amusing. She had gone home 8 months ago, when she left Newport, she went home to LA, to see if she could reconcile with her parents, maybe even move back in with them, go to school again, be a normal family. When she showed up on the door step of their mansion, the first question they had asked her when she told them that she wanted to come home was, 'Are you still a lesbian?'

"Yeah I went home. That was a bundle of fun, " she said sarcastically, rolling her eyes as he chuckled, "What's so funny about my parents hating me?" she asked, still glaring at his amused grin.

"Nothing Lexus, just… I find it amusing that you, Alexandra Kelly, Miss I-don't-care-what-anyone-thinks-about-me, gets upset about the fact that you think that your parents hate you," he said, looking at her seriously.

Just then, Alex heard her name and turned to the door, seeing Receptionist Jennings with her head poking in the door.

"Of course. Miss Kelly?" said Mr. Anderson, looking at her and spitting some of his beard out of his mouth, motioning towards the door.

Alex stood up, straightening her jeans and making sure they were covering her pink and black heelys. She knelt down slightly, placing her head next to Daniels ear, "Guess what buddy, they do hate me," she whispered, making him chuckle as she stood up fully again.

"Don't keep us waiting Miss Kelly," Anderson said, impatiently taping his fingers on the desk.

Alex smiled at Daniel and turned around to walk towards the door. It was open now, Jennings leaning against the doorframe, a shadowy figure standing in the hallway.

She stopped dead when she saw the shinning dark blonde hair of the reason she went back to her parents in the first place. A look of complete shock crossed her features as she stared into the blonde's eyes.

"Alex?"

Alex stood in silence unable to speak, her breath coming in shot gasps, her body completely over ridden with surprise and slight horror.

When she left Newport, it was because she was in love, in love with someone that wasn't in love with her, and she couldn't handle that, so she fled, in the middle of the night packing up things in her apartment that belonged to her ex-lover and leaving them in boxes in the living room, taking all her things in the back of her jeep and selling all the furniture to her land lord.

She arrived at her parents the next morning, red-eyed and pale, begging for forgiveness, bawling into her father's shoulder as her mother looked on, with a mixture of disgust and pain on her face.

She loved her father, he'd always been there for her, her mother, Annabel Kelly was the one that she couldn't stand, the way she controlled Alex's father and turned him against her, she hated that, it was the reason she got emancipated in the first place, she couldn't stand the competitiveness between them.

It bothered her that she walked away from Marissa Cooper without even as much as a goodbye. Sure they ended what they had, both shedding a tear, but she always wondered if Marissa wanted to stay friends, even from a distance, Marissa knew she was leaving, but she didn't know that she was going to leave in tears that very night.

It would've been to much pain to say, to watch Marissa with Ryan Atwood, watch him touch her they was Alex used to, watch him hold her when she was upset, kiss away her tears…

"Miss Kelly?" Jennings walked forward and placed a hand on Alex's shoulder, looking at her with a worried face, "Miss Kelly, are you alright?"

Alex looked briefly at Jennings, tearing her eyes way from Marissa for a brief second to nod, "Yeah, I'm good."

Jennings lead her outside to where she continued to stare at Marissa, looking her in the eye as Marissa looked back, "Do you two know each other?" Jennings asked, looking curious.

"Yeah, you could say that," said Alex, still not looking away from Marissa, her face looking older than Alex had last seen it, her eyes looked haunted, like something was missing, something that Alex had loved seeing there before. Marissa looked like she'd been through more in the months that they had been apart than anyone should have to go through in their entire life.

Jennings continued to look at them, confusion written all over her face, "Ok, I'll leave you to it then."

As she walked away, Marissa finally looked away, nervously pushing hair behind her ear, now refusing to meet Alex's gaze, "Hi," she said, now examining her shoes.

"Marissa, what are you doing here?" she asked, finally voicing her thoughts, ducking her head to meet Marissa's gaze.

Marissa looked up, pursing her lips and crossing her arms, as if protecting herself from all outside influences, from anything, anyone that could potentially hurt her, finally her tears fell, one slowly running down her cheek slowly, quickly followed by a flood rushing down her smooth skin.

Suddenly, she launched herself at Alex, wrapping her arms around Alex's neck and burying her face in the crook of Alex's neck, sobbing, her whole body shaking.

Slowly, Alex's arms wrapped around her thin waist, pulling Marissa close to her, trying to provide comfort.

Marissa pulled back slightly, looking Alex in the eye once again, pulling one hand from it's resting place behind the bleach blonde hair and wiping her eyes, obviously trying to smile. "I missed you."

Thanks for your reviews. Keep 'em coming.

Hope you liked


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three-

Marissa was surprised to see Alex, more than surprised. When Alex left Newport, she thought it was for good, Marissa thought she'd never see the beautiful blonde again, especially when Alex didn't even say goodbye.

Marissa could remember the day she walked into the apartment they'd shared to see all her things packed neatly into boxes and bare furniture all crowding the living room. She'd talked to the land lord, asked him if he knew where Alex had gone, but he just said that Alex had woken him up at 3:00 in the morning, told him that she was leaving and sold him all her furniture.

Marissa was used to people just leaving, had dad, her sister, Ryan, but Alex leaving without even saying goodbye, it really hurt her, more than she cared to admit.

If she were truthful with herself, she never wanted to break it off with Alex, but Alex was right, she didn't fit in, Marissa's world was all rich, stuck up kids and they annoyed Alex more than they did Sandy Cohen.

Marissa understood why they ended it, Alex was right in saying that she had feelings for Ryan, she always would, she'd always love him in a way that was complicated even to her, but she really had loved Alex. There was something between them that she needed, something that she had with Ryan the first time, but was missing now, that thing that she couldn't quite put her finger on.

She hadn't meant to collapse into Alex's arms, she was just hurting, a wave of emotion had come over her, something she hadn't meant to happen, but it did.

She cried into Alex's, warm, soft and welcoming shoulder. She didn't really know how long she stayed that way, it could've been seconds, hours, four sunlit Newport days, all she knew was, when she pulled back, she felt stronger somehow, she felt like she suddenly had the power to come clean about all her fears, all her doubts.

Instead of blabbing about her current situation, she looked into Alex's crystalline blue eyes, seeing the concern there, and that emotion that she had never been able to place staring back at her, giving her strength without words, without action.

"I missed you," she uttered, trying to smile, but just managing a small whimper-like grimace, "You just left."

She saw the pain flicker across Alex's eyes before being replaced by a smile, "I'm sorry. I was hurting, I didn't want you to pity me, and I couldn't handle saying goodbye, not when my emotions were so raw. I'm sorry"

Marissa smiled, a true smile this time, wiping her tears away, "Not your fault. I get it," she laughed slightly, "Sorry, about the break down. I've… been going through some things."

Alex stepped back, out of their embrace, dropping her arms at her sides. Marissa instantly missed her warmth and sighed.

Alex continued to smile, "You want to tell me about it?" she asked, offering Marissa her arm, which she took without a second thought.

It suddenly hit Marissa what she was doing and she pulled away, shocked at herself. "I… err… I gotta go."

She turned and ran, heading for the school gates, completely forgetting about school and focusing on what had just happened. Alex. She saw Alex Kelly for the first time in 8 months and the first thing she did was hug her like she would have when they were together.

What was she doing, she had a boyfriend!

The problem was, she knew exactly what she was doing, she'd felt that _thing_, that thing she'd been missing with Ryan for so many months, the thing that they'd had before, but didn't have now, the thing that had made their relationship so meaningful in the beginning. Her heart.

She realized, looking at Alex, holding her, it had stirred up things that she hadn't felt since she'd left, feelings that she thought she felt for Ryan, but really weren't there, her love.

All their problems, all their fights, their distance, she suddenly knew why they were all happening. It was her; she didn't believe in what they had, her heart wasn't in it, it was all… lust.

She'd tried everything, even sex, nothing had seemed to bring them closer, and she suddenly knew, she knew that it was her.

She felt guilty, like somehow, she'd subconsciously created their problems so she didn't have to deal with what was really going on with her, why she didn't feel that… breathlessness, that she felt when she first met Ryan.

She ran faster and didn't stop until the school was well out of sight, and she was at the beach, the same part of the beach that had been _their_ spot, about a mile from the bait shop, the place she and Alex first kissed.

She felt more tears threatening to fall from her eyes and she walked onto the sand, feeling her shoes sink into the yellow-white grains.

She sat down in the spot where she often came to think, realizing that it was on Valentines day, that same year that she sat in that very spot, kissing Alex for the first time and she realized that it was that moment that Alex had stolen her heart, her sweetness, her smile, the sweet taste of her lips, they were all perfect. It was that smile that she fell for, that had drawn her in.

She could still hear Alex calling after her, like she was right next to her.

"Marissa!"

She turned, looking behind her, and she saw Alex chasing her, her hair blowing in the beach wind, her cheeks red from the running so far.

She stopped when she saw Marissa was looking at her, slowly beginning to walk towards where Marissa was sitting, looking out at the ocean as she struggled through the sand.

"Marissa, this is…" she trailed off, knowing that Marissa understood. "I fell for you here, in this spot. I can remember thinking it before, thinking that maybe, just maybe, I had finally found the one that I would love forever," she paused and sat down, looking out into the ocean, watching the waves crash so shore and mix with the sand in the way nature intended. Marissa followed her gaze, looking out at the horizon, still thinking about that night, "As soon as I kissed you, that's when I just knew, I knew that I'd be hooked on you forever," she turned and looked Marissa in the eyes, "I wasn't wrong in that moment. I'll always love you."

Thanks again for the Reviews.

Enjoy my latest chapter. : )


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four-

Alex was surprised when Marissa just ran off, they seemed to be bonding, Alex had even begun to think that the friendship they had before they'd dated was salvageable. Then Marissa took off.

She chased her, skipping school for the first time since she went back. They ran for at least two miles, Alex calling out the whole way, screaming for Marissa to stop and just talk to her.

Alex felt like she didn't have the right to be chasing her like this, their lives were completely separate, and yet, deep down, she felt as if Marissa needed her, like something was going on with her that she couldn't tell anyone else. So she continued to run.

It wasn't until they reached the beach that Marissa even looked at her, that look, the one Alex had seen only one other time on Marissa's face, the time she'd gotten Ryan's girlfriend drunk. It was a look of disgust; one of self-loathing, Alex hated herself for causing Marissa to feel that way.

She looked around as she stopped running. She noticed where they were and was taken aback slightly. She could remember the moment that she'd fallen for Marissa Cooper; it was in the very spot where Marissa was sitting, the first time they'd kissed.

It was that kiss that had kept Alex going over the past 8 months that they spent apart, knowing that she was in love, knowing she would be no matter what, no matter how hard she tried to forget, nothing could rid Marissa Cooper from her thoughts, her fantasies. It was Valentines day, Valentines night actually, and they sat together, looking out into the ocean, watching and waiting for the tide to turn. She even remembered their conversation after, Marissa's words that she took to heart, loving the sound of them rolling off the tall girl's tongue, 'I'll happily go to hell and back if thats what it takes to be with you.'

Alex walked over to Marissa, looking out at the beautiful, pollution-free, Newport Ocean, seeing the blue-water waves crash against the soft, cream-colored sand. She sat down and told Marissa about how she felt that night, that beautiful Valentines Day night when her life had changed forever. It seemed like yesterday and years earlier all at the same time, she could gasp every detail of that night, the smell of the air, the taste of Marissa's strawberry lips, the feel of the sand, the temperature of the wind, but at the same time, she felt it slipping further and further away from her, like she was about to lose that moment of her life, like it was going to disappear forever. "I'll always love you," she said, looking into Marissa's eyes, glad she had her wrapped attention.

Marissa stared back at her, their eyes locked in a meaningful gaze, trying to say everything they wanted to 8 months earlier. "I shot someone," said Marissa, not looking away from their gaze, confessing her secrets to the blonde, "Ryan's brother in June. The thing is, I'm not entirely sure why I did it. I've been telling myself that I did it to save Ryan; Trey was about to kill him when I pulled the trigger. But…" she trailed off, exhaling loudly, "A few months before, Trey… he tried to rape me, force himself on me… it messed me up. Lately… I've been wondering if that's why I did it, for some kind of twisted revenge. The Dean at my old school asked me if I had any remorse, I told him and everyone that I didn't that I'd do it again in a second, to save Ryan, but I don't think I would… I'm so scared, I feel like I have this dark side, this part of me that's going to snap. I do regret it, the guilt it's… I'm so scared." Tears welled up again and she brought her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them and hugging them close, trying to provide comfort and pushing the whole world away at the same time, "I don't want to hurt anyone, Alex."

Alex quickly put an arm around Marissa's shoulders, pulling her in close, trying to provide comfort to her, rubbing her hand up and down Marissa's arm, ignoring the goose bumps it sent up her own arm, "You wont," she whispered into Marissa's ear as she taller girl rested her head on Alex's shoulder, sobbing and brushing her tears away with the back of her hand, "You're a great girl. I knew that when I first got here, when I met you, you were everything I wanted, even from the beginning," she squeezed her slightly, pressing a kiss to the top of her head, "You're not dangerous, if anyone here is dangerous, it's me."

She smiled as she heard Marissa chuckle, "You're not dangerous. Those two friends of yours though… they could be dangerous," she said, obviously trying to lighten the mood.

Alex smiled as she watched Marissa wipe away another tear and smile sadly, settling into Alex's arms, "You're right, they are dangerous. Lucky I didn't set 'em loose at your bonfire, could've ruined the night,"

"I think it was pre-ruined. We broke-up that night remember, it wasn't a picnic for me either."

Alex rested her head on top of Marissa's inhaling the vanilla scent of her hair, smiling again, "I never said it was," she said quietly, enjoying listening to Marissa's steady breathing, "You know, if you didn't want me to skip town, you should've come home that night, I waited, we could've talked, kept in contact, stayed friends, it would've helped, I wouldn't have had to avoid you for the past six months."

"You shouldn't have. Where are you staying anyway, I know for a fact that you're not at our… your old apartment, I go there all the time, it's empty"

Alex didn't answer right away, pondering her answer, thinking about what she should tell Marissa, if she was ready to be sucked back in by the angel-like creature that was Marissa Cooper, "When I left here, I went straight back to my parents, but they didn't want me, or my mother didn't, said that she was ashamed that she'd raised a lesbian daughter, so I went to Jodie, to ask her if I could stay with her for a while. One night, she got drunk, tried to come onto me, but I'm over her, so I packed up my stuff that night and left. I drove around California for days, just trying to figure out what to do, finally, I ended up here. I went to Daniel, an old friend of mine, asked if I could stay with him, at first that was fun, then it got kind of annoying, living with a friend, so… I moved out, tried to find an apartment, when I couldn't without any money… I asked my parents for money, just to get on my feet, my dad brought me this huge place in Anchorson drive, a couple of blocks from my old place, still in the numbered streets but… it's a borderline mcmansion."

Marissa sighed, "You should've called, you could've stayed with me and my mom, that place is huge, remember."

"Yeah, that would've been awkward."

They sat together in a comfortable silence, looking out at the perfect ocean, watching as the waves rolled in, Alex holding Marissa in her arms.

Marissa was the one to finally break the silence, lifting her head slightly and turning to face Alex, placing a hand on her knee. Alex looked at her instantly, tearing her eyes away from the horizon to look into Marissa's welcoming eyes. She smiled first, tilting her head to the side, "You never left my heat, Alex," she said softly, raising the hand that wasn't resting on her knee and brushing hair out of her own face, "I never wanted you to leave."

Alex smiled back, reaching across her body to take Marissa's hand in her own, watching as Marissa's head rested once again on her shoulder and resting her own her on top of Marissa's, holding her the way she used to, close to her body, warming her heart, "And I never wanted to go."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five-

Marissa was glad that Alex was there for her; she didn't know if she'd have survived the first day if the blonde hadn't been there to comfort her. They'd skipped school that day, just catching up with each other, only returning at lunch for Alex to grab her books and introduce Marissa to Daniel and Annabel, her friends.

They'd spent the rest of the day at Alex's house. She'd been telling the truth when she said it was a 'borderline mcmansion,' it truly was, not quite as big as all the houses Marissa was used to, but it was spacious, well decorated, and to Marissa's surprise, clean.

"Did you finally learn how to pick up your beer bottles?" she asked in a joking tone as they walked through from the foyer to the living area, complete with beautiful burgundy carpet, stylish deep cream couches, a huge wide screen television and entertainment system.

"You're funny. I stopped drinking, figured that not being a bar tender anymore, no other place is going to serve me, I'm only 18 remember," she smiled, crossing the living room and disappearing behind a wall, returning seconds later with two sodas, "Thirsty?"

Marissa just grinned and took the soda Alex offered her, "Thanks," she smiled, following Alex over to the couch and sitting down beside her, placing her soda on the coffee table that sat between them and the television. "So, you enjoying this huge place all to yourself?"

"I'd enjoy it more if I had someone to share it with, but living alone in a huge place like this has it's advantages, dancing without getting laughed at for one," she smiled at the giggle that left Marissa's lips, "What? I dance, you've seem me dance, and I'm good."

Marissa laughed, "No, you think you're good, there's a difference here," she smiled as Alex playfully pushed her and she lost her balance and fell off the couch.

Laughing, Alex reached down and offered Marissa her hand, trying to control the mirthful tears that were falling from her eyes as she continued to laugh, Marissa joining in as she flopped back down on the couch, leaning over to bury her face in Alex's shoulder, pursing her lips to try and quell her laughter, her body shaking. "Sorry," Alex managed through her laughter, wiping the happy tears that had welled up in her eyes.

Marissa raised her head as her giggles subsided. "It's alright."

They smiled at each other, both their eyes shinning with mirthful tears. "You want to watch a movie or something?" Alex asked, standing up and crossing to the entertainment unit, "I've got… way to many to list."

Marissa smiled, standing up and grabbing her soda as she crossed the room and stood next to Alex, looking into the cabinet that was stacked with DVDs, so many crammed into the small space that Marissa wondered how she'd managed to cram them all inside without something breaking, "Ooh, Alias," she smiled broadly, "Please," she pouted at Alex who just continued to look at her with an amused expression, "Wait, is this mine?" she asked, pointing to the box set.

Alex continued to smile, looking slightly guilty, "Alex!"

Chuckling, Alex pulled out the box set and sat it on the coffee table, "Obviously you didn't miss it, and anyway, I brought it."

"For me," explained Marissa, picking up the box and examining it for scratches before looking at Alex with a smile, "Thank You, for everything you did for me back then, and now, you always knew how to look after me."

Alex just smiled, "Not a problem," she turned back to the cabinet and reached in, pulling out season two of Law and Order: SVU, "What do you think, want to watch Olivia and Alex make goggle eyes at each other?"

Marissa chuckled, "I always thought something was going on between them."

They settled into the couch, Alex pressing play with the remote that she pulled out from under the puffy burgundy cushions.

They watched the first episode in silence, "Ok, that's just sad," said Marissa, "How come I've never seem that episode before?"

"Dunno. I always like that one. It was Alex's first appearance, and I always love seeing smart people with my name, and a blonde to top it all off," she smiled at the expression on Marissa's face.

"You are a doofus, did I ever tell you that?"

Their playful banter was interrupted by Marissa's cell ringing, and she automatically reached into her bag to receive it. Looking at the display screen, her eyes widened.

She'd completely lost track of time, it was already the end of school, and Ryan was supposed to be picking her up. Begging her mind to come up with a reasonable excuse, she flipped open the phone, cheerfully greeting Ryan, trying not to sound too guilty.

She could imagine Ryan's reaction if he found opt that she was with Alex. Ryan had a short temper when it came to the blonde, maybe he could see that Marissa hadn't been the same sine Alex left, maybe it was a male ego thing, she didn't know, all she knew was that Ryan refused to talk about the time that Marissa had spent with Alex, whenever it came up, he urgently changed the subject.

"Hey," she said, mouthing 'Ryan,' to Alex who nodded sadly.

"Hey," she heard his voice on the other end of the line, "Where are you? I thought I was picking you up."

"Yeah, about that… I'm at a friends house, I met some people, they invited me over to get to know each other," she looked at Alex, trying to apologize with her eyes, "I'm really sorry," she said, more to Alex than to Ryan.

"It's alright, you have fun. Breakfast?" he asked, sounding slightly disappointed. She didn't hear him, to busy concentrating on the hurt expression on Alex's face. "Marissa?"

"What? Oh yeah, that sounds great, see you then," she hung up without waiting for his reply, trying to look Alex in the eye. "Hey, sorry about that. You alright?"

Alex nodded, briefly looking up at Marissa before returning her attention to the hand resting in her lap, "Fine. You want another drink?" she stood up without waiting for an answer, taking Marissa's empty soda and disappearing into the kitchen.

Marissa sighed, confused by her own feelings, wondering why she was lying to Ryan and why it hurt her so much that she'd hurt Alex's feelings by not telling Ryan about who she was hanging out with. "Well done Marissa, beautifully handled," she muttered to herself, standing up and following Alex into the kitchen.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six-

Alex had fled the living room after Ryan rang, trying to gain control of her emotions. She knew that Marissa had seen the hurt look on her face when she lied to Ryan about who she was with. Deep down Alex knew that it was for the best, she knew that Ryan was just as jealous as she was and he would fly off the handle at both girls if he found out who Marissa was really hanging out with.

She lent against the island and took a deep breath closing her eyes, trying to think about what she was doing. She knew that she was punishing herself, she loved Marissa, and nothing was going to change that, especially not hanging out with her. She was sickened with herself about how jealous she got when Marissa started hanging out with Ryan when they were together, she was almost violent. That was the real reason she stopped drinking, she remembered the night of Marissa's school bonfire, how violent she got, what she was about to do when she was completely off her face, that scared her.

She was afraid that being friends with Marissa and watching her with Ryan would sooner or later stir up those feelings of jealousy. She didn't know if she could handle that feeling of complete loss of control, and if Ryan lashed out at her because he found out that she and Marissa were hanging out behind his back, then that would just give her the incentive to fight back, to become that person she feared to be.

She knew that she couldn't walk away from Marissa again, she'd hurt so much the first time, wondering if she made the right decision, that if maybe they'd just fought for their relationship to work, maybe it could've all worked out for them, they could've lived happily ever after.

"Hey, are you… Alex did I upset you?" Marissa's voice startled her out of her thoughts and she looked up, opening her eyes, "Alex… I know something's wrong, I know you. Tell me."

Alex sighed deeply, looking back at the black tiles of the kitchen floor, "I remember that night, it haunts me, the bonfire," she started at the beginning, intending to tell Marissa why she was so scared, "I got scared of myself, that's why I stopped drinking, I just couldn't stand what I'd become, a jealous bitch, sending goons to beat up Ryan like a gang member or something."

Marissa walked forward, sitting on a kitchen stool and continuing to look at Alex, encouraging her to continue.

"I'm scared that being around you, watching you with Ryan, or even hearing about it, I'm scared that it's going to send me on another jealous rampage like it did before. It's what ruined our relationship in the first place. I'm scared that I'll get angry and lash out, and I'm scared that if Ryan finds out that we've been hanging out when you didn't tell him, that he's going to get angry and I'll want to protect you, and I'll lash out and become that horrible person. I just don't want to scare you away again."

Marissa stood from the stool and slowly walked over to Alex, placing her hands on Alex's hips. The action sent shock waves through Alex's body that she hadn't felt in quite a while, goose bumps rising on the skin of her arms and her heart rate increasing to almost double, "Look, you're not going to snap, you're not dangerous, trust me. You were always so gentle, so loving; you never even came close to hurting me. And our relationship problems, they didn't come from you, that was me, I should've spent more time with you, I shouldn't have lied, that's all on me, not you."

Alex smiled again and nodded, "Thanks, but not really convincing. I broke up with you remember, and I did it because I was scared, it had nothing to do with you, it was Ryan, I was scared of losing you. You were all that was keeping me going, my job sucked, my apartment was a heap of crap, my parents hated me, the only thing I had going for me was you, and when I saw you and him together, it was the last straw, I just snapped, that's on me."

"I don't think so. We'll have to agree to disagree here," she smiled, "And about Ryan, I'll talk to him, see if I should tell him, I just think that it'll make things more complicated, but I'll see what happens. Now, come on, episode 2:02 Honor, one of my favorites, and then closure part two, that is my favorite of all time."

Alex smiled and followed Alex into the living room, settling into the couch and grinning slightly as Marissa rested her head on Alex's shoulder, sighing.

They watched the other three episodes on the disc, making the rare comment on the obvious tension between the blonde ADA and the butch female detective, "I'd really love to see them together, I really think they'd make the cutest couple," said Alex as episode 2:04 finished.

"You and me both," Marissa replied, lifting her head from it's resting point, somehow ending up in Alex's lap, "Plus, I've got a real thing for blondes, if you haven't noticed. Luke, Ryan, you, the only one that wasn't Blonde was DJ and… that was just sex."

"Ok," said Alex, raising a hand and standing, grabbing the chip packet that they had finished off, "I really didn't need that information."

Marissa stood up too and instantly followed her into the kitchen, watching as Alex put the empty bag into the trash, "So you did learn the meaning of housework while you were away huh?"

"Well, I've changed, hang around long enough, and you'll figure that out," she smiled briefly at Marissa and then glanced at her watch, "Guess I should probably start thinking about food, you want me to make you something too or…?"

Marissa stopped her, running towards the sound of her buzzing phone that was sitting on the coffee table in the living room, "Hi mom… Yeah, I made some friends, I'm hanging out… Oh really?… Summer's? I guess I could… Yeah, I'll come by later to get some stuff…" she entered the kitchen, a confused look on her face as she concentrated on the conversation going on, "Mom, are you okay? You sound… Yeah, all right, I'll see you later… Bye mom."

Alex raised an eyebrow at Marissa , questioning the civil tone that she spoke to her mother in, last time she checked, Julie and Marissa Copper fought on principle. "Everything all right?" she asked, genuinely concerned.

"Yeah, well, my mom said that something's up with the house, something about the Newport group after Caleb's death, she asked me to come by and get my stuff, move in with Summer for a while," Marissa looked worried, thinking deeply according to the glazed look in her eyes.

"Well… I mean… if you want, you can stay here tonight, I can take you over to get your stuff, and there's plenty of spare rooms," Alex was desperate, she didn't really want to part with the tall girl and this was a way to delay the inevitable. She was expecting a rejection, expecting Marissa to kindly decline to take her up on her offer, explaining that it would be to awkward, so she was genuinely surprised when Marissa smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, that sounds great, I don't really enjoy sharing a bed with Summer anyway, she kicks and constantly talks about Seth in her sleep, it's…disturbing."

Alex laughed, grinning, "Great. So dinner and then we'll go get your things?" she asked, thinking of all the things that they could catch up on. She remembered their 'sleepovers' from before they got together, they were some of the greatest times she'd had in Newport.

"Sounds great," she smiled, sitting down again on the kitchen stool, "So you learned how to cook too?"

Alex laughed, pulling opening the fridge door and pulling out some fresh crumbed chicken schnitzel, "I'm an excellent cook Cooper, watch and learn."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven-

The night turned out just like Marissa had hoped, they made dinner together, ending up having a food fight with frozen peas and the carrots that Alex had spent half an hour chopping into perfect circles. They ate together at the dining table, chatting about their lives over the past 8 months, skipping the depressing bits and ultimately enjoying each other's company. They quickly raced over to Marissa's house, Alex staying in the car as Marissa quickly packed up most of her clothes and essentials into two bags. They finally ended up on the couch, curled up under a patchwork quilt, watching Law and Order: SVU again.

Marissa had her head resting once again on Alex's lap, burying her face against Alex's knee every time a dead body came onto the screen, "You do realize that they're not actually dead, they're acting, playing dead," said Alex, chuckling once again as she watched Marissa's face disappear as a body fell out from behind a dumpster on the screen, "It's not real 'Riss."

Marissa looked up at her, "But it's gross, I can't believe I like this show, it's so graphic," she grimaced and rested her head once again against Alex's thigh, "Hey!" she yelled, noticing that there was still a body on screen and burying her face again.

Alex chuckled again, absented mindedly raising her hand to stroke Marissa's hair.

Marissa stiffened at the touch, feeling Alex instantly abandon her touch, pulling back and sighing deeply. Marissa closed her eyes, inhaling deeply, trying desperately to control her breathing. She was scared of her feelings, she'd admitted to herself that her feelings for Alex hadn't gone away, but that didn't mean that she didn't have a boyfriend, a great guy, just… Marissa was beginning to wonder if they were right together, she never felt with Ryan what she felt when Alex touched her, so innocently and yet so intimate at the same time. "Alex… I need to tell you something."

Alex looked down at her, a worried expression crossing her face, "Ok, hang on." She pressed pause on the DVD remote and looked back down at Marissa who sat up, trying to make it less awkward, "What is it?"

"I'm not in love with Ryan," she confessed, not looking into Alex's eyes but instead at her hands fiddling with the blanket they were under, "I love him, but we're missing that special something that we used to have, he used to take my breath away, this time around, I feel as though I'm looking for ways to stuff up so I don't have to admit to him that it's just not like it used to be."

Alex looked at her and Marissa looked up briefly before returning her gaze to her hands, "Is that what this is? You looking for a way to stuff up?'

Marissa's head snapped up, looking at the hurt in Alex's eyes, "No, that's not what I meant… look… just listen to me… 8 months ago, you assumed that I had feelings for Ryan, you said that it was only a matter of time before we got back together, and you were right, I did have feelings for him, I loved him, I still love him, just not in the way that you thought I did. Now it's my fault, I was scared, coming out, being with you out in the open , telling everyone, that scared me, I thought that it would be easy, but it wasn't, so I avoided you, and like I always do, I fled to Ryan. So when you left, without even saying goodbye, I convinced myself that I was in love with him, I tried to go back to the way we used to be, but then all these things happened, Trey showing up, the attempted rape, the shooting, and they all put a strain on our already strained relationship. Seeing you made me realize that my heart wasn't in it, that's why we weren't working. Alex, I've been lost ever since you left, I've forced myself into things that I didn't really want because I was hurting, hurting because you didn't want to give us a chance. I need you to know why Ryan and I are together, he's like my rock, he's stable, he's a really good guy and he loves me, he protects me, so I went to him when I was an emotional wreck, not because I was in love with him, but because I was in love with you and you were gone. You've got my heart, Alex."

Marissa was surprised how easily the words rolled off her tongue, she felt slightly proud of herself, proud that she came clean about her feelings. It was like a sudden weight was lifted off her chest, like she could breath easily for the first time in 8 months. The words had just come to her in a rush, spilling from her mouth, but she meant every word.

She watched for Alex's reaction, seeing her mouth open and close like a goldfish, like she was searching for the right words. When she finally regained her composure, she didn't speak, instead leaning forward and locking lips with Marissa, their tongues meeting instantly in an explosion of emotion.

Alex quickly pulled back, "We can't do this. Ryan, he's still your boyfriend, no matter what you say to me, it doesn't change that. I'm sorry, I just can't do this until you end it with him, I'm not going to let you cheat on him, like you said, he's a good guy, he was trying to protect you, he doesn't deserve to be lied to."

Marissa nodded, knowing that Alex was right, "Okay. Tomorrow morning, I'll end it with him. I'm serious about this Alex, I don't care if you didn't fit into my world back then, we've both changed, we can make this work."

Alex nodded, "I agree. Come on, I'll show you to your room." She stood up from the couch, extending a hand to Marissa, which she took with a smile, letting Alex lead her upstairs, picking up Marissa's bags on the way and showing her into a average size room, complete with double bed, side tables, wardrobe and dresser.

They said goodnight with a meaningful hug, Marissa burying her head in Alex's neck.

Once Alex left, Marissa changed into her pajamas and crawled under the covers, grabbing a pillow and hugging it to her, drifting off to sleep with thoughts of the future and it's possibilities on her mind.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight-

Alex sat on the soft mattress, watching the emotions play across Marissa's face as she slept. She always thought Marissa looked amazing when she slept, her face was completely relaxed, no fear, no pain, no teenage horrors, just that simple Marissa smile that Alex loved so much, and peace, she looked younger, 17 and not mid 20s like she did in her waking hours. The sight made Alex smile.

Even though Marissa always denied it, Alex always thought she looked perfect even without make-up; Marissa Cooper was naturally beautiful, one of the only traits she inherited from her stunning mother.

Smiling to herself, Alex put down the mug of coffee she had been holding and leant over, closer to Marissa

Their kiss the night before had awoken things in Alex that she thought were long gone. When she first saw Marissa the day before, she'd seen her the way she'd always seen her before, amazingly beautiful and a good soul that always got caught in bad situations, but there was something missing. Alex knew right away what it was, she thought that Marissa didn't want her anymore, that they had no chance together, and that had quelled her need to be with her physically, her heart ached for her, but that physical desire to touch her, to kiss her, it was missing, simply because Alex loved Marissa and wanted her to be happy, no matter what, and if Ryan made her happy, that's all Alex wanted for her. But knowing that Marissa wanted her back, needed her, loved her, it had was that knowledge that had awoken her desire, and the kiss had only intensified that desire.

The need to be near the taller girl had grown over night, and Alex could hardly contain her yearning to wake Marissa the way she used to, just lean in and kiss her awake, love her like she loved to do. Instead, Alex raised a hand to Marissa's face and drew a line with her thumb across her rosy lips.

"Mmmm," Marissa moaned, turning her head to press firmly into Alex's hand that was resting on her neck, "Alex?" she asked, her eyes still closed.

"Yeah, it's me," she said with a smile, tucking some hair behind Marissa's ear, "How'd you sleep?"

Marissa opened her eyes and reached up to grab Alex's hand from it's resting place on the pillow beside her head. She brought the hand to her lips and pressed a kiss to her palm, letting her tongue quickly dart once across the salty flesh, "I've slept better," she said smiling, "I remember it being better when your place had only _one_ bed," she said emphasizing the word 'one'.

Alex laughed, drawing pleasure from the desire and need in Marissa's voice and eyes, "I seem to remember it being _our _place, not mine. I also seem to remember you hogging the covers when we shared a bed."

Marissa ran her hand up Alex's arm, stopping at her elbow, tightening her grip and tugging, effectively pulling Alex down onto the bed next to her, "I'll just have to learn to share then wont I?"

Alex laughed again, watching as Marissa tossed the blankets off her and crawled to Alex. Effectively pinning her to the bed by straddling her. She smiled down at the blonde, sweetly fixing Alex with a loving stare, "I know you want to wait, at least until I end things with Ryan, I just want you to know how much I love you, how much you mean to me."

Raising a hand, Alex pulled Marissa down to her, wrapping her fingers under Marissa's long dark blonde hair and pulling her down. She brought their lips together, Marissa gently adding more pressure. Alex deepened the kiss, running her tongue along Marissa's bottom lip, asking for access, which was immediately granted. Their tongues danced together to a beat only they knew, re-awakening things in both of them that they thought had died when Alex walked away.

They slowly broke apart, Marissa licking her lips, "You can show me, when you and Ryan are over. And don't think I don't want it; I do, more than you think, just… Let me take you out tonight, just you and me?"

Marissa shuffled down, resting her body on top of Alex's, laying her head on her chest, "Is this date going to be like our first one, making out on the beach, 'cause I can handle that," she smiled.

Alex sighed happily, remembering the Valentines Day night, "You'll just have to wait and see. But I promise, it'll be the best date ever."

They stayed that way for a few minutes in silence, just enjoying the others presence. Eventually they decided to go down stairs to grab some breakfast before Marissa had to meet Ryan at the crab shack.

"So you eat breakfast now and everything?" Marissa grinned as Alex opened the cupboard, pulling out a small mixing bowl.

"You're just the little comedian aren't you?" Alex looked up, smiling to show that her sarcastic tone wasn't threatening. Marissa smiled back from her place sitting on a kitchen stool, leaning on the edge of the island. She walked over to the fridge, pulling out four eggs and grabbing the carton of orange and mango juice, Marissa's favorite. She gave the juice to Marissa, receiving a cute smile in return and went back to cracking the eggs into the bowl and mixing them together with as whisk.

When she was satisfied that the yolks and whites were mixed together, she put the whisk into the sink and walked over to the pan she had already greased with oil and the whole meal bread that she had laid out on the chopping board.

"You do like French toast right?" she asked, turning briefly to look at Marissa who was starting at her with a glazed look in her eyes. "Marissa?" she pressured when she didn't get an answer.

"Hmm?" Marissa looked up, looking slightly lost, "Sorry, yeah, I do."

Alex stopped coating the bread and dropped a slice into the pan, turning fully to face Marissa, spatula in hand, "Are you alright?"

Marissa nodded, "Yeah, just… I don't want him to go mental, he might hurt you, and I don't want him to hurt you."

Alex smiled sweetly, "I'm not going to fight him. I'm not becoming that person again," she looked Marissa in the eye, "I can't do that to you again."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine-

Marissa was nervous, she knew she had to do it but…

She didn't want to hurt him, no matter how much she loved Alex and wanted to be with her, Ryan would always have a place in her heart, even if it only was a friendship sort of love, Ryan was still a huge part of her life, he meant something to her, he meant a lot to her.

She didn't want him to hate her, she didn't think she could handle his anger, and she knew he'd be angry, even though she dreaded it, she knew he'd explode.

What she wasn't prepared for was him storming out of the Crab Shack and into the car park. She didn't expect to be running after him, begging him to just listen to her.

She told him straight out, 'I'm not in love with you Ryan,' she didn't try to sugar coat it, knowing that it would only infuriate him even more.

The blank hurt look on his face had hurt her, knowing she'd caused his pain made her stomach ache. When she told him what had happened his hurt expression changed instantly to one of anger and fury.

He was seething.

Seconds later he was off, storming out of the small café and jogging towards the car park, Marissa close on his heel.

When he saw Alex's jeep, Marissa thought she actually saw steam come out of his ears. He stormed over, Marissa behind him and he pulled open the jeep door, nearly pulling it off its hinges.

"Ryan, don't!" she screamed, scared for the person that meant most to her. She ran over as Alex stepped out of the car, raising her hands in surrender and backing away. "Ryan!"

"Look, Ryan, I'm not fighting you," Alex backed away even more, forced to stop when she ran into the open jeep door.

"Yes you are. 8 months ago you couldn't wait to fight me, here's your chance. Let's go." He was angrier that Marissa had ever seen him, his teeth were clenched and his eyes looked like fire, staring at Alex with more hatred than Marissa had ever seen in him or anyone before. He raised his hand and brought it down quickly, hitting Alex on the cheek with his open palm.

"Ryan!" Marissa ran over, pushing past Ryan and going straight to Alex who was holding a hand to her cheek, working her jaw as if to rid it of the pain.

"She's a slut Marissa can't you see that, look how she left you last time!" he yelled, his eyes still full of hatred, "You belong with me Marissa."

Marissa turned, one of her hands on Alex's lower back, the other resting at her side, her eyes were now filled with fury as she looked towards her EX-boyfriend, "Touch her again, and I'll never speak to you again!" she yelled, pointing at him threateningly, "It's over Ryan. You and me, we never should have got together in the first place. And to think that I convinced myself that I loved you," she shook her head, "Leave, Ryan!"

He turned instantly and stormed off, shaking his head as he climbed into his car, and drove off.

Marissa looked back to Alex, "Are you alright?" she asked, her hand reaching up to Alex's reddened cheek, "He got you good."

Alex just nodded, removing her hand and letting Marissa touch her. "I'll go get some ice, wait here," she said, smiling at Alex warmly.

She walked away, running towards the Crab Shack. She ran across the car park with out even looking, then she heard it, a running car engine, screeching tires, screaming, Alex's high pitched, "No!" and next thing she knew she felt something heavy hitting her side, something forcing her into the air, sending her flying.

She felt herself slam into something glass and she heard it shatter, she felt sharp pains in her back and the back of her neck.

She could feel something hot and wet running down the side of her neck. Her eyelids were suddenly heavy, she was drowsy, and her head was pounding. She closed her eyes tight, trying to rid the throbbing pain that was consuming her entire body.

"Marissa!"

She heard Alex's voice coming from somewhere that seemed to be miles away and yet the sound still made her head throb even more than it already was.

"Alex?" her voice was weak, she could barely hear it herself, it seemed to be throaty, croaky, like the time she had laryngitis.

She kept her eyes closed, trying not to fall asleep but the urge was getting stronger. She felt somebody touch her; she knew straight away that it was Alex from the tingling feeling that shot up her arm, "Alex?" she said again, once again in that weak voice.

"Yeah, it's me," came, Alex's quiet response, her voice was filled with panic, "Baby, are you ok?"

She could no longer talk; she couldn't concentrate on anything but the pain that was tearing through her body. Her throbbing head and her neck were the worst, and the need to just fall into sleep was overwhelming.

The pain that was traveling down her back was beginning to dull, leaving no feeling at all in its place; even the feeling of Alex's hand on her arm was fading.

She couldn't deny her body any longer so she opened her eyes just for a second wincing at the pain the light caused, looking up into Alex's tear stained face, "I love you, Alex," she said softly, seeing more tears come into Alex's eyes and seeing Alex's mouth move but she couldn't hear anything come out. Next second she closed her eyes, giving into her need to rest, letting sleep over take her, take her into the dark, into the nothing.

THE END

This si the last chapter of this story, bu there will be a sequel, don't fret, give me a couple of days and I'll have the first chapter up.

Thanks for all the reviews and everything, i really appreciate it.


End file.
